Who You Really Are


photo credit: CtWwYL via photopin (license)You see the abyss.  How this life means everything and nothing and both at the same time.  We have, in spirit, chosen to be here.  We have a gift to share, if only we can move past the distraction, the destruction of mind to give it.  Giving the gift of self, to other, including the self, is divine.  In the giving of it, you see yourself back as the bearer of it.  This is who you really are.  This is your life.  Despite what mind tells you.  We see you.  We need the gift you come bearing.  The universe, because we have joined hands and hearts, conspires with us to manifest that which is inside of you and deliver it to us.  Our spirits are hungry for it.  Hungry for you.

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Embrace that which is wanting to save your life.

We are wanting to mitigate fear. In this time, there is much fear and we are wanting to suppress it, defy it, and/or ignore it. Some of us are defiant, angry, and filled with outrage. Others of us have stuck our heads deep into the sand. To appear invulnerable to ourselves and others, we distract, indulge, and/or argue to disallow and deflect our fear. Yet, if we are denying the fear, we cannot investigate it. If we are suppressing the fear, ignoring it, or needing to subdue it like an enemy, we cannot see its value. Although uncomfortable, fear is data. Fear is data that compels our human behavior. If we examine to see if it is derived from the cultural False Evidence Appearing Real F.E.A.R., or the primal imperative of Fuck Everything And Run F.E.A.R. we will have knowledge of how to proceed. The practice is to know the fear, understand the fear, become familiar with the fear and clarify the source of the fear. If our lives are in danger due to a perceivable, knowable threat, or a less tangible threat, if we are to act appropriately, we must make a risk assessment. To do this one must de-stress the physical and emotional body, including the mind, to release the markers of fear from the physical, emotional, and mental body that we might become clear. When we accept the fear it becomes manageable through meditation, tapping, exercise, and other practical methods. Regular practice of de-exciting the system, allows truthful examination. Is this fear relevant? Is this fear true? What is the source of this fear? Remember, fear is not the enemy. Fear is within us to keep us safe. It is our system’s warning that something is wrong. There are times that it can be imperative to fright, or fight, or take flight. There are times that it can be imperative to mitigate the fear, that we might perceive the evidence, and evaluate the warning before we fright, fight, or take flight. So, beware of the rush to judgment. Because we are wanting to suppress the fear, beware of the desire for the evidence to infer that there is no need to fear. Beware too, of judgmental anger in yourself and others, as it is one of the most beloved tools we cultural animals use to cover our fear. Beware of defiance, ignorance, distraction, indulgence, and overall deflection. Watch for the need to deny the fear. And when you see it, instead of pushing it from you, embrace that which is wanting to save your life. Say, ‘This fear is my fear. It is trying to tell me something. Let me manage this feeling, that I might respond with awareness.’ Then, bless your emotional and mental body in loving commitment to pause, and rest, and take good care of yourself. Treat for the fear using safe, loving, and respectful, practices. In this way, you will assuage your thinking, your feelings, and your physical body, to release tension and fear that you might explore the truth and take right and effective action. In this time of tremendous upheaval and change, be kind, be patient, be loving toward others, and especially yourself. Take good care. Feel the fear and breathe. Breathe.

You are the World

In this country we love our autonomy. We enjoy the personal freedom of self-governance. We feel strongly about our right to make choices of our own volition. We defend our civil liberties and feel it is our prerogative to behave, feel, and think as we do. It could be said that we love our autonomy to the degree that it has become entitlement. We feel entitled to behave and think as we do regardless of the overall result. Yet self-governance in it’s purest form implies an understanding of the consequences of our actions for ourselves, and for others. Implicit in the tenants of self-governance is our interconnectivity and dependence within our community, our country, and now most certainly, our world. Indeed, in this now, it is imperative that as we self-govern our behaviors, our emotions, and our thinking, we maintain a balance between serving ourselves and serving others. For, pure self-governing, pure autonomy is only as good as the intention it serves. During this crucial time, it becomes important to ascertain our intention. Is our autonomy pure? Is it balanced? Are we accountable? Do we know that what we do, feel, and think affects the totality of the self and others physically, emotionally and spiritually? During this time of pandemic challenge, are we vested in the realm of the divine global cooperative enterprise that has been thrust upon us? Are we responsible, (able to respond), to the challenge and privilege of our autonomy? For as an autonomous, self-governed, interconnected, and responsible being, you are the greatest gift you offer. As you are one, you are all. What you do, feel, and think affects the world.  Now more than ever, you are the world.  You are the hope and you are the outcome.

Poo Gas


photo credit: Vitor Sá - Virgu via photopin cc photo credit: Vitor Sá – Virgu via photopincc

Mind issues mind thought, which is trigger. Sometimes trigger comes from a belief system or something larger like a running system but all mind thought triggers a download of chemistry, which pours throughout your cellular makeup, producing a reaction, (ie: feeling good, or feeling bad). To realize, (real eyes) that mind is issuing mind thought, mind fart, poo gas, that mind is separate from you, that it is in fact a device, a mind, which is simply issuing mind thought, (not some empirical data, or truth, but mind fart!, poo gas!!), is the beginning of recognizing, re-cognizing that you have a choice. You, yes you, can choose the mind thought, mind fart, poo gas, which serves. And only those that serve. You do not, do not, do not, ever again, need to accept a thought that is less than, unworthy of…

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Examine the Truth

If I am to transcend this now, I must investigate, understand, and know this now to the fullest extent of my being. Transcendence is not ignorance, unawareness, or denial of this present awareness. It is the use of this present level of now as foundational, that in fully accepting it, I might rise to the next level of deeper investigation and understanding. True transcendence is the ability to lift oneself and others from ignorance and unawareness by perceiving historically what has been, and moving together toward what can be. Firmly rooted in what is presently now, we rise to the level of what can be, made manifest by our willingness to unflinchingly examine the truth.

From the beginning of March I knew something was wrong. I had the flu. I had a slight fever, a cough, and a sore throat. By March 9th I told friends that I was being cautious. I cancelled classes. I kept an eye on the news. I slept a lot. I could not, and have not been able to write. I don’t seem to have the energy to think critically. This virus has zapped my energy. It has depressed me physically, emotionally and spiritually a little too. There have been days that I felt so weak, I was unable to move one foot in front of the other. There were days when my chest felt very heavy and my rib cage felt very constricted. There were days when I was really scared that I might have to go to a hospital. My greatest fear was that if I went to the hospital, I would never come back. At my son’s direction, I called a tele doc and got a prescription, for cough medicine and an inhaler. Despite my symptoms, I was not allowed to test for the virus because I could not verify that I had been exposed. Thankfully, the heaviness in my chest subsided a bit. My rib cage stopped feeling so tight with every breath. Still whenever I stood from a seated position, I would become so dizzy I felt I might fall. Finally, almost a month after I first felt ill, I qualified for testing. At the testing site, I sat in the car with my husband. With masks on, he waited with me in line so I could do the oral swab. Now we are waiting again. After a week, I have no results. I continue to quarantine as this virus continues to alter my life and the lives of those around me. I don’t care so much about the quarantine. I love the blue sky, the birds chirping and the sounds and smells of a cleaner, brighter Los Angeles. Some days it has been nice just to sit in the backyard and look at the beautiful clouds overhead. I have a great respect for the life force. I have a great respect for this virus. I want to live. So does the virus. Indeed, after 6 weeks there are still days that I feel heaviness in my chest. There are still days that I feel tightness in my ribcage when I breathe. Today I am tired. I have a sore throat, the telltale dry cough, and dizziness whenever I stand. Yet, as I write this the sound of sirens whistle through my neighborhood as a constant reminder, that I am one of the lucky ones. I am definitely one of the lucky ones. I have a home, a loving husband, and an incredible body that has gently fought to bring me back to good health. Now, especially now that I am relatively well, and getting my strength back, my social responsibility is clear. My case is mild, still this has been a long journey and I do not wish this on anyone. I must do everything in my power not to pass this along. I will not be the bullet that rips through someone else’s life. And while this experience for many of us has been about fear, for me it has also been about love. I love and appreciate so much about my life, about my husband, my friends, my family and the people in my community. I love and appreciate all of you, and I truly want to be of service. So, I will continue to quarantine. I will continue to wash my hands. I will continue to go out only once every two weeks to buy groceries. And when I must go out, I will wear a mask in public and use social distancing. I will do this for as long as it takes because I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that I appreciate the blessing of this life and the blessing of you in this life with me. Be safe out there. Please take good care. I love you, Adrienne