When you come to your senses, put down your defenses, habits, cover: I-won’t-show-you-mine-if-you-won’t-show-me-yours, ‘Everything is F.I.N.E.,’ (fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional), like traveling in a car, stopping at the drive-through, throwing leftovers in the back, you keep moving, trash piling up, rotting, just over your shoulder. And forgetting it’s there, get used to the smell, the festering of mind, farting from the back seat, but the moment you slow down, put on the brakes, everything comes flying forward, French fries, fish sticks, uneaten hamburger and half-downed cokes, McCrap on the dash board, in the windshield, wreckage of your past, so thick you’re blind. Kharma, like mud, obscuring your view. You have to clean up, if you’re going to proceed, get your life, have your day in the freaking sun. You’ve got to unload, get a grip, a view of the road, without all this drama, garbage, making the way unclear, it’s clearly in the way. And because it’s in the way, it is the way. The giving up, the surrender to, the letting in letting go, releasing, a panorama where there were once blinders, hell, no view at all. Pick it up, every smelly bit, examine it and highlight for deletion. An Everything-Must-Go-Sale at the Dumpster. When the view is wider, the screen clear of mind, wipers keeping it open, each stroke of the blade, becoming, ‘Name something you like, Thank you more please, Name something you like, Thank you more please, Name something you like, Thank you more please, Name Something … you like … more please … you like … more please … you like … more please … you like … more please … you like … more please … you like.’
Standing on solid ground, the known, so-called reality, before you the abyss. Hesitating, unsure. F.E.A.R., (Fuck Everything And Run), behind you, in front of you the unseen, unknown, yet to be spoken. This leap, madness or genius, the extension of nowhere, your legs, arcing through space and time, coming from somewhere, spanning through nowhere, you are now here. Right now. Here. In the leap, the faith, you become tangible. Real. Realized. Free falling in the gap, the span of nothing, the leap; causation. Free. Our lives, history, his/her story, our ordered chaos, death. But in the nothing, no thing, the gap, the leap. In that space, between here and now, the space of no thing and all thing existing, in that placement, or lack of placement, is possibility. You have to leave the earth, (the small strip of land allotted to you at birth that you must till, until you die), you have to achieve lift off, become air born, jump, into what is not known, to know something new. In that moment, in the not knowing, the trusting, that becomes opportunity. Take the leap. Fucking jump.
What if I told you that what you came to get you already had? What if you knew that the gift I was about to give you was already yours? Would you barter, walk away, or would you receive it? What if you knew the reason you were here, asking, was proof you already had it? What if you knew you were all you ever needed, wanted, or hoped for? What if you realized (real eyes) that you are everything, all of it, the heavens, purple mountains majesty, handmaiden of desire, wellspring of creation, manifestation of the divine, all manner of blessing, gift and glorious being? Core of Good Health is yours. It always has been. Reach into your heart. It’s there. You. All there is and so much more. What if you knew you were cool waters, the deep abyss, starlight, green wheat grass swaying, tender caress, mighty oak, redemption, blue sky, the inside of a leaf, the promise of spring, light, creation and sweetness of life? What if?
Your body is channel, for energy, to move through, do what energy does. Ego, Who Am I, opinions, judgment, hold vibration, change it, block it, lock it, push, shove, increase uncomfortability, til pop, there’s fire, ignition, perpetrated motion, pain, burn. Living in this cancer culture, this cancer nation, where people are contracting, attracting, like self hatred, or unrealized desire, that grows and because it is stifled, signals, outloud, through the body, this loathing, this denial of self, this belittling, defamation must end, or it will. Release. Feel the ‘letting’, in letting go. Open your hands, open your arms. A prayer, a handful of tears sent to God (good orderly direction) a call to be of service, remember channel, bless this tumor, this reminder that love is the only door, the answer, and in bowing, head below the heart, knowing, knowing that kind of simple belief, faith, heals. The universe is waiting, filled with gifts and all manner of excellence. Unclench the fists, the mind and receive. Letting the energy go where it will, taking you on the adventure, your life, moving, undulating, like fierce grace. Hearts open. Free.
What if you forgave yourself? What if you forgave yourself for whatever you think it is that you did, didn’t do, was done to you that you couldn’t prevent, didn’t think, say, didn’t know? What if you let yourself/them, off the hook for the mistakes you supposedly made, they supposedly made and called those things ‘lesson’? What if everything in your life was done for you, not to you? What if there was nothing to forgive, but everything to ‘for give’? What if life was for giving to you? What if forgiving and forgetting was for giving and for getting for you, for your benefit? What if you forgave yourself? Forgave them? How would you feel? Who would you be? What would that look like? What if?
Fear narrows focus. You see minute detail straight ahead. Yet with blinders on, the whole world in periphery, disappears. A whole world, gone. Narrowing your vision, the world on the sidelines, and you are blind to it. In order to see, be, more, you have to breathe. Relax your shoulders, opinions, judgments of self and other and widen your focus, the acceptance of what is. That’s expansion. Periphery. That view. In the sidelines, it’s all there. Inhale. Hold it. Exhale and release. In love, truth, the knowing that all is well, open your eyes, from inside your heart, you see more, and you be more.
100 trillion cells in the human body. 100 trillion files, holding the memory of every piece of his story, her story within the confines of your precious body suit. Meaning every time you stub your toe, fall off your bike, hit the water in a belly flop, knick yourself shaving, or hit your head getting out of the car, the body, 100 trillion cells of somebody, everybody, your body records that. Not only is it recorded, stored, organized by determination of importance, and elevation of fear, noted by the survival mechanism, (the ‘fuckeverythingandrun’ mode), but each file is imbedded with the meaning that is made of the experience, ie: ‘I knicked myself shaving because I’m an idiot, I hit my head getting out of the car because she was yelling at me, I belly flopped because I am clumsy, and I stubbed my toe because I’m an impatient fool.’ Those meanings, especially when negative, returning whenever the event, the thought of, or even the colors, smells, time of day when it happened recur, re-issue, 100 trillion times that message to your body. That’s one hell of a trigger! A 100 trillion cell trigger! Your body, the history stored in each cell, creating a physical reality. A cellular jail. A Jail of Cells. We call this illness, dis-ease.
The door of the cell, from the cellular story becomes the practice of the identification of the mind, the terrorist cells, the trigger and meaning made, 100 trillion times, and the release of its negativity, 100 trillion times, along with the creation of alignment, so that ‘I stubbed my toe,’ becomes ‘I need to slow down and take care of myself’, ‘I knicked myself shaving,’ becomes ‘I better change the razor blade’, ‘I belly flopped,’ becomes ‘I’m glad that I can attempt new things that challenge me’ and ‘I hit my head getting out of the car,’ becomes ‘When someone is yelling, I need to breathe and realize, its not personal, they just want to be heard.’ In creating new meaning, you create new cell memory, new sense memory, new download, so that the experience times 100 trillion reflects the practice, the active choice of choice, not chemistry being destiny, but chemistry being the outcome of present intentional awareness, awakeness and decided affirmation of 100 trillion times the cellular possibility for physical, emotional and spiritual joy.